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The lengths to which we’re willing to go for others in spite of ourselves… are often the same limits that keep us locked in place.

“Those make you look wide,” she said.

I smiled woefully, because those very words had come out of my own mouth, commenting on my own daughter’s outfit one day.

“Mom, I am wide…

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An honest look at the real cost of trauma… and how a body, heart and mind can heal.

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Where did my consent even begin and where would it ever wind up?

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You can never judge a box by its cover!!


The box Ted kept me in resembled those I used to get for Christmas or birthdays as a child. Covered in shiny, pink opalescent fabric, embossed with silver, piped in gold and with jewels… for the sparkle.

Remember the ones that opened to a tiny, little, plastic ballerina dancing in circles to a tune in front of mirrors that reflected what was supposed to be her graceful dance, but…

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What should a girl have done…?

« On le fait?* »

« Oui. faison-le!** »

« Is that a yes? »

« Yes. What a great idea! »

And by end of May, I’d organized this whole fantasy-weeklong-pre-wedding-swinger-extravaganza in a rented apartment perched on Montmartre with a spectacular south facing view of the whole city, complete with a fake rooftop ceremony at sunset. All for him.

Link to Audio…

Behaviors and expectations relating to partnership… which snuggle right into patriarchal societal views.

I thought a good wife had to plan and organize and manage… in order to fit into his dreams. His schedule. His agenda. His fantasy.

I’d learned young about accepting what men wanted when they asked for it. …

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When a husband’s smoke and mirrors dirty a divorce…

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Praise to the freedom of female pleasure, solo satisfaction and especially to self love.

Link to Audio…

Welcome to Ted’s world of financial domination where cash & cards were his kink and control was his fetish… only without the actual ropes and chains!

Link to Audio

The Rabbit hole of domestic violence… and how a woman gets trapped.

Eva After

One woman’s navigation, survival and healing within the biased rules and gender expectations of a masculinized, patriarchal society.

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