I’m still afraid of Ted. Abusers are like that. They never go away. But only survivors can tell their stories.
Looking back now I realize how his frenzy and his fun masked the fear… like those crappy colored clouds of smog hanging over world capitals that we try to forget are actually pollution by pretending that they aren’t even there.
Ted’s doing kept me occupied. His always needing more and better had me running in circles. The circles made me so dizzy that I couldn’t see straight and so crazy that I couldn’t think of my own ideas all by…
When telling the truth evokes a bigger sense of justice than a court of law could perhaps ever offer.
Justice /ˈdʒʌs.tis/ noun.
Fairness in the way people are treated. The quality of being reasonable, principled and unbiased… Equitableness, impartiality or moral rightness
Justice is certainly many things to many people… but what it’s really not about is punishment or money or righteousness… or even agreement.
Being heard telling our own truth allows us to break through, to break free and it creates an opening for all of us to move on together and/or separately.
When I walked into my empty…
How power and subordination get whipped into a sex-in-the-city-sauce that seems accommodating… but isn’t.
My encounter with The Attorney wasn’t like the others. He was another powerful man and I was in a compromising situation again, but what made this experience with The Attorney totally different was that I really, really liked him. He was my dream guy already and I was crazy about him, even before he asked me out.
Which was exactly what he did, one year into our case together, while I was divorcing the father of my two young children. …
The lengths to which women in compromising situations go … to sidestep or to confront the insistence of powerful men.
I worked for The Boss for about 6 months during the rainiest and greyest Parisian winter I can recall, following just on the heels of my encounter with The AdMan, in fact.
I’d taken this international marketing job he’d offered me in the Parisian garment district because I mostly needed money to start paying back my student loans. And also because I was exhausted from working three jobs under the table to try to make ends meet. But especially and…
Importuner : When an older man’s fantasy about a very young woman… drives him to make it happen… with or without consent.
At that time, there were patrols and stamps and lines and barriers… at every crossing, on each side of the borders of every country. Always grey. Always menacing. Always cold and abrupt. By then, usually though the guards on the roads just waved you through, if you were white anyway. Although the risk of being stopped was still real. Still palpable. So you still had to have your papers in order.
Americans could stay in France at the…
Addressing sexual abuses, trauma and our gendered roles in society through Restorative Justice is a big step in the right direction.
I ran into one of my ‘hims’ before Covid.
He’s a Rotary club member in a small rural town and the Rotary Club runs the Tulips Against Cancer sale each year. He was my banker. And he was also on my #MeToo list.
In my mid-thirties, I was renovating a house with a big project under my belt to open a bed and breakfast/coffee shop/antique store with my then husband and my two baby kids in tow. …
I want to tell your truth about your abuse and give you a platform to publicize it… So that you can move on to your next stage of healing…
When #MeToo happened, I was in Los Angeles and my reaction was, “Whew!!!”
Like finally the cat was out of the bag! Male abuse had happened to us all and now we all knew it. So now, we could not only talk about it openly, but prevent it — going forward — and truly change the world to create a shared future for women and for men too.
And then I…
A foray into the audience’s responsibility… Is the instigator always the sole culprit? Or are his followers liable too? If only for believing?
“Connivence” [kɔ(n)nivɑ ̃:s] is one of those words which, pronounced in French, sounds so beautiful, but it’s actually not.
It’s really a very sharp, three pronged fork that will, not surprisingly, stab you right back in the butt when we’re not looking one day.
Connivance, whether feigning ignorance or dissimulating knowledge, is really assenting to wrongdoing that should be prohibited, not applauded. Especially, but not only, by the courts.
I now know, because I believed Ted as…
The lengths to which we’re willing to go for others in spite of ourselves… are often the same limits that keep us locked in place.
The other day, as I bounced out of my room, dressed in a new pair of pants, my mom looked at me and shook her head,
“Those make you look wide,” she said.
I smiled woefully, because those very words had come out of my own mouth, commenting on my own daughter’s outfit one day.
So I knew what she meant and I knew how to respond. The new me said,
“Mom, I am wide…
An honest look at the real cost of trauma… and how a body, heart and mind can heal.
Ted took a toll not only on my mental, but on my physical health, as well.
I just can’t stop wondering just how his demanding, egotistical circus of a life so consumed me that I basically took leave of my whole self? How he so forcefully imposed his agenda in our lives, that I was no longer concerned with or even connected to my own limits at all? How I stretched and twisted and contorted my body to conform to his wishes…